Wednesday, April 15, 2009


We attended Sunday School at the local LDS ward a few weeks back.

What was I thinking?

I was thinking that I need to do something to jump start my journey, my quest. I'm stagnating, hopelessly sitting in limbo.

The children did not appreciate the experience.

Nerd Boy is very adamant that the LDS church is NOT the one true church, the members are hypocritical and self-righteous, they focus too much on men (JS, BY, GBH, etc.) and leave little to nothing for the Lord or Christ. He wants nothing to do with it.

Drama Queen found it ironic that the same girls that will have nothing to do with her at school because our family left the LDS church suddenly want to be best buddies with her. Can you say missionary opportunity?

Monster Child was thrilled, as the little girl in his Kindergarten class whom he has a crush on is mormon. Though he did tell the Primary Teacher a week later when we chanced to run into her, "We're NOT mormon, you know!"

Nerd Man had a right fine time. He was amused beyond all decency. I sat in the lobby listening as he attended Priesthood (As there was no way in H*ll, I was attending RS), it was quite funny.

The arrogance and assumptions left me speechless. Nerd Man just laughed, swatting away there implications like no more than pesky flies.

Public Service Announcement for any LDS members who may be reading this:
~do NOT assume one who leaves cannot live the WOW,
~do NOT assume one who leaves was unwilling to tithe,
~do NOT assume one who leaves was unwilling to "live" the life of a Saint,
~do NOT assume one who leaves was doing so to live an immoral life,
~do NOT assume all who leave are unhappy and must return to "the church" to
find happiness, and
~do NOT assume one who leaves was offended.

The implications which they fired at Nerd Man would not encourage anyone to return to the church.

I must say though, it was wonderful to see our dearest friend. He is like another father to Nerd Man and me; he blessed all of our children, he loved us and taught us, he has never judged us or found us lacking. Some days, I would consider returning to the church just to see the smile it would put on his face.

And yet here I sit...hmmm, limbo.


DRAMA QUEEN: Mother, what movie did Dolly Parton sing 'I Will Always Love You?'

JUST ME: The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

DRAMA QUEEN: What's a whorehouse?

JUST ME: The place where prostitutes work.

DRAMA QUEEN: What?!?!? I thought they were self-employed!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Wondering and Wandering

As I struggle to find a path to follow to the Lord, I often wonder where I will end up.

Truthfully, though I spent almost 10 years in the LDS Church, I feel I know little of the Lord or of Christ. I take full responsibility; I could have pursued a knowledge of the Lord and a closer relationship with Him, even in an environment unsupportive of such pursuits.

Last night, I started the New Testament, reading from the beginning through Matthew, Mark and the beginning of Luke. It was very enlightening to read the Bible without the aid of my LDS "beer-goggles." It amazed me to see how the LDS doctrine twists Scripture to meet their view, instead of altering their view to fit Scripture.

Likewise, I'm not sure that my view of Christ accurately represents who He is. It is very disconcerting, reading the Scriptures and realizing I may not know all.

I desire to have a relationship with and a knowledge of God, it's just how to get there that keeps me up at night. Sometimes I am not even sure I believe in Christ, though I do believe in God. Where does that leave me?...lost.

I find my self drawn to the LDS church, even after all the time which has passed and all I have learned about the church.

It is like a safety net. The only path to God I have known. What if it is the only path in which "I" can follow to come to the Lord?...I'm having a bit of difficulty finding another that fits me, that feels safe. Funny, because the LDS does NOT fit, does NOT feel safe, but it is KNOWN and therefore easy.

Then another more honest part of me wonders if the only reason I am drawn to the LDS religion, is their undying, irrefutable, inarguable belief that they are better than everyone else, that they know more, that only they understand. THAT has always been a good fit for me. ;~)


After much consideration, I have decided to resurrect my blog. Yippee!